Well as you can imagine from the title I am into some really weird shit. BDSM, bondage, chocking, fake rape and other similar stuff.
Now don’t get me wrong, I am not into snuff, rape or other illegal and real shit. There are lines that one simply shouldn’t cross. With the internet there is enough material out there to satisfy any sort of weird fetish for a long time without having to resort to anything illegal.
I know that many might be wondering what sort of person I am or detest me already. I am pretty sure if you’d seen the things I have saved on my hard disk, you would. There is one thing I can tell you. Hentai for example can be far more disturbing than gangbang and lolis, belief me. I have tons of the more fucked up and controversial stuff. I think this little introduction can help you to imagine what kind of stuff I am searching for on the internet. You’d have no idea how many trojans, viruses or other malware I’ve gotten my computer infected with already, because of the weird websites I frequent. Again, there is nothing that crosses my lines, no rape, no torture, and no snuff. Everything else is fair game.
When I started to explore the internet, I was mostly into controversial, disgusting or shocking content. If you heard about or remember rotten.com you can imagine the other places I frequented. I have been on the internet ever since the nineties so I know a lot of fucked up and strange places and have seen many of the so called ‘shock sites’ out there. 2girls1cup or Mr. Hands is nothing special to me. I have seen tons of similar stuff.
At first it was just my morbid curiosity that got me into these things. You find something that is really fucked up, but then you start coming back to it and look at it again, because it is so bad. Like a traffic accident that you can’t pull your eyes away from. After some time you start to enjoy the things you see. Soon after you start getting aroused by what you are seeing. This was the starting point of this fucked up addiction of mine. Soon I started to search for more.
I was one of the oldfags on good old 4chan. You could ask for the weirdest and strangest sexual images on there and believe me, the place was as fucking gold mine. At least for the first few years, after that it unfortunately went to shit.
Nowadays there is much more stuff out there, since the internet got more popular. The downside is also that the stuff is way better hidden. There are some secret subreddits you can find if you search long enough, but they usually vanish after a couple of weeks. Forums are another good place, but most often you need to be a VIP or have subscription or they are so hard to find that it is not worth the extra work.
There are also some more popular and normal pages like eFukt where you can occasionally find one or two gems. All in all I really started to get bored by most of the things I find these days. Often it wasn’t even worth looking up the things that people were talking about, because I’d usually seen it already, a long time ago. Most of the so called shock sites were tries to get certain old videos to go viral and earn some money from it.
It was earlier this year that a friend of mine with similar interests recommended me to check out webcam sites. He sent me the link to a BDSM and fetish page that could hold my interest for a little bit. The best part about these shows was that you weren’t just watching a video or picture, but that you could actually interact with the people. This was a whole new kick for me. I had avoided webcam sites, after I had tried them a few years ago. They’d been mostly boring and not worth the time. Now this new stuff wasn’t too bad though. It was still mainly vanilla stuff, just BDSM, but it was enough to kill my boredom.
It wasn’t long before I got into contact with my friend again and asked him what else there was. He sent me a couple more of his favorites. It was interesting, but mostly too tame for me. I was looking for more. Something weirder and more fucked up. The images that started popping into my mind of what sorts of depraved shit people could do on cam made me hard almost instantly. I had found something new that was worth looking for. I reached out to many of my old contacts. Believe me using IRC again in this time and age can be a bitch. Some of the people I used to talk to weren’t around anymore. I could imagine that some of them had crossed the line long ago or had been locked away somewhere.
Here and there I got replies from my old ‘friends’. When I told them what I was looking for, I mostly got popular pages or the occasional weirder one that I had found on my own already. After asking around for some time, one guy send me a text file and told me it was what I’d been looking for. I was skeptical at first, but then decided to download the text file anyways.
None of my malware programs got a hit so I decided to open it. It was just a simple text file that consisted of the instructions on how to find ‘the page’. There was no information given on what the page actually was, but my interest was piqued nonetheless.
The whole thing was cryptic and overly complicated. You were sent form one page to the next, you had to send emails here and there and you had to download a couple more documents. I was honestly wondering if I was just being trolled by the guy, when at last I got a picture of something that was supposedly from the page. If this was a troll then he must have spent quite some time to make things look real. In my time I had learned how to spot cheap photoshops easily, but this one had either taken a lot of time or it was genuine. I hoped for the latter. The picture showed a very simple webcam show interface. Nothing more than a chat and a huge video box. The still of the person in the show filled me with a mixture of repulsion and arousal. It seemed to be a woman, as far as I could tell. She had no legs, only stumps that ended above her knees. She was sitting there spread legged and was playing with herself with some sort of toy. The hand she was using had a very weird, claw like shape, as if it was deformed. I couldn’t see any other hand or arm for that matter. She might have only had one arm. I was getting more aroused the longer I looked at the picture and could feel myself getting hard. That was exactly what I was looking for. I continued to follow the instruction with newfound vigor. I got a couple more pictures and finally a link to the page itself.
I held back, maybe this was all an elaborate fake to send all kinds of malware my way. A second later I clicked. It was worth the risk I told myself.
My face was sweaty with anticipation. I couldn’t wait anymore. I cursed at my browser to load the page. Soon I was greeted with a cheaply made website that showed the different models that were online. The names and especially the pictures would have made any sane person close their browser right away and probably not go online for a week. To me it was exhilarating. This was the Promised Land. I had finally found it. It wasn’t long before I found the legless girl whose picture I had seen. I thought about entering her stream, but decided to have a look around to see what else I could find.
The first thing that caught my interest was the picture of what I’d like to call a loli. Now don’t get me wrong I am not a pedophile, but I think there is a certain delicacy to the adolescent. I was envious what I would see in her stream. After I connected what I saw was a simple room and a dirty, stained bed. The girl was sitting on the bed, hugging her legs and crying. For a moment she would look at the camera and I could see her red, teary eyes. She seemed to be scared or even terrified, for I could see her shacking nervously. I watched the stream for another few minutes, but there was nothing else happening. Maybe the ‘show’ was already over? I cursed at it, closed the stream and went back looking through the different models.
I found one that was called ‘The Mermaid’. The picture showed a beautiful young girl with a fleshy lower body reminding one of a mermaid’s fish half. In the picture she was sitting in a sort of basin, smiling seductively in the camera. I was hooked. For a long time I had had this morbid curiosity with bodily disfigurations. One of my favorite movie of all times was Freaks and you had no idea what I’d have given to see a real freak show one day. This girl was probably the closest I could come to this dream, so I clicked the picture and entered the chat.
What I saw was completely different from the picture. The girl looked sick, like she was having a fever. She was sitting in the water basin from the picture, but the water was completely dirty. The girl herself seemed to be delirious and not there at all. She seemed to murmur to herself and looked nowhere in particular. Her dark hair stuck to her head and I could see that she was shacking. What was this shit? I hadn’t been looking for this. I was here to see her lower half and not her being sick. There were three other people in chat, who seemed to be as annoyed as I was. There was a report button to inform the support about problems or that things weren’t right. After about ten minutes of sending one report after another, the door could be heard opening. I could hear someone cursing in a language I didn’t understand.
It was two guys who entered the room. One went to the girl, touching her forehead and then nodded. Then he heaved the girl out of the basin. For a moment I gasped in anticipation of seeing her weird tail or lower body. What I got to see was far worse. I could see legs, but they were different from normal legs and looked sickly. Someone in chat said to move the camera closer, that he had paid good money for this. He demanded to get to see everything. One of the guys spit on the ground but moved the camera closer. Now I could finally see what was wrong with her legs. They had been sewn together with wires or string to remodel the tail of a mermaid. Her legs were bloated and liquid was leaking. They must be infected I thought.
One of the guys started to cut the wires holding the legs together. Right at that moment the girl woke from her trancelike state and started to scream and flail around wildly. The only reaction was that he hit her over the head with some blunt object that I couldn’t identify. She started twitching and soon lay still. Then he went back to her legs. I was staring on, but now simply in shock and disgust. After the wire was cut they moved her legs apart from each other. Skin and flesh tore apart and huge amounts of greenish and yellowish liquids were leaking from various fleshy wounds.
It was at this moment that I had to rush to the bathroom and threw up multiple times. What the hell had I just seen? I had seen a whole lot, but this shit was the worst by far.
When I finally came back, the cam was offline. I had a quick look over the rest of the models that were online. I saw the legless girl again, some humongous fat girl, some sort of midget show and something that reminded me of Siamese twins. I closed the page.
A thought hit me. If they had ‘made’ the mermaid by trying to fuse her legs together, had they done the rest to the other girls too? Had I found some seriously fucked up place? Was this basically torture or snuff? Holy shit. This was not what I had been looking for. I had crossed the line.
As I said before though, curiosity is a bitch. It was only a few days later, that I went back to the email I had been sent and clicked the link again. This time I was redirected to a normal fetish site. I went back to my old contact on IRC who had sent me the text file, but got no response from him. I have searched for this page for some time now. So far I have not met anyone else who has heard about it, yet seen it. It is probably one of those nomadic types of websites that change their address and domain every couple of weeks or even days depending on their content.
Thinking about these bulging, leaking legs sewed together, I get a hard on almost instantly nowadays. I have been getting off to the memory so often it is unreal. I wish I had recorded it so I could see it again. Oh I know I crossed my own line with this. In the end it was inevitable that it would happen one day. It actually feels quite liberating.
Enough about this though, there is a reason why I am coming to you my friends. I am sure I am not the only one here who is into more controversial things, right? So if you have seen this page or know how to get back there, help a fellow out. Please.