Fuck Monsters [Part 5] – Sunday Funday

Well, most of you have heard the term Sunday Funday, right?

It means getting drunk on Sunday as early as possible, so you pass out in the early afternoon or evening and are fit again come Monday morning.

Now, of course, I don’t have a regular schedule. Shit can hit the fan on a Sunday as well. This week, though, there’d already been three signatures. Normally there’s only one. Two is usually the exception.

That’s why I felt pretty damn safe to start on one of my favorite meals right around noon, bourbon with a side dish of more bourbon.

As you already know, if you’ve been following this series of misadventures, I’m not the smartest guy around and I’m definitely not the luckiest. No, I’d say I’m a rather dumb, unlucky son of a bitch.

It was about five in the afternoon when I was woken up by the ringing of my phone. At first I had no clue what was going on and realized I must’ve passed out some time earlier.

For a while, I just stared at the phone in frustration, then confusion and finally in utter disbelief. There was no freaking way. The park, I told myself, they were calling about the damned park I’d torched.

With sweaty, shaky hands, I reached for the phone.

“If it’s about the park the other day-“ I started, but the computerized voice cut me off right away.

“Exterminator 7D11087, we assure you there will be repercussions for your improper acting during incident #2AT1U8D. However, this matter is of no importance right now. We discovered a new signature in your vicinity. We’d like you to handle the situation immediately. The analysis of the signature gives us indication that the organism is a C-class Humanoid type.”

I listened, but my alcohol fueled brain didn’t comprehend what they were saying. Once I’d finally understood, I couldn’t keep quiet.

“Well fuck, you’re kidding me, right? That’s the forth incident in a single week!”

“We’re well aware of the rise of activity in your area. However, given the danger of the current signature, we insist you take care of it immediately. No more excuses, exterminator 7D11087.”

With that the line was cut and I was left alone on my couch, my head spinning and me cursing to myself like a madman.

Well, shit, there’s nothing I can do, is there? Not like I can ignore a direct order from headquarters.

I picked up the phone and opened the signature data. Yeah, it was C-class, all right. When it rains, it pours. Woo fucking hoo.

All right, I told myself, no fucking around. Time for the big guns. Get this shit over with as soon as possible and be done with it.

With my head still spinning, I stumbled towards the storage room, almost crashing against the doorframe. Even putting on the protective armor was a challenge. Once I was done, I stocked up on firepower. Two guns, a shotgun and as many grenades as I could carry. I didn’t give a single shit today.

Humanoid again, isn’t that fucking great.

Finally I got my hands on a few of headquarters stimulants, the special type. Didn’t get enough sleep, feeling a little sick? No problem, those little wonder drugs would take care of all problems and provide you with enough energy to feel like freaking superman, at least for a while.

I was about to storm out of the door, ready to light any and all fuckers up, but then I turned around and got a hold of the almost empty bottle of bourbon. I downed the rest in a single gulp. Not that it mattered, I was pretty damn wasted, anyway.

As I was on my way, I told myself once more that I wouldn’t fuck up again. Today would be no walk in the park, it was freaking C-class.

The signature originated from one of the new urban development areas in my city. It comprised lots of half-finished buildings. Could mean I was in for a bit of a chase, but with no people around, I could go all out, I thought with a grin.

The moment I arrived, I popped two of headquarters wonder drugs. The spinning in my head stopped instantly. My body felt hot, my muscles tensed up before I was flooded with energy. Man, this stuff was the shit!

I pulled out the shotgun, hit the close-ranger scanner, and got a hit almost instantly. The fucker was nearby, in a half-finished apartment complex to my right.

I was about to hit the scanner again to pinpoint the creature’s location, but there was no need. The fucker had gone wild.

I’d barely set foot into the building when I saw a trail of blood that led down the long, central hallway before it led to an empty, half-finished apartment at the end of the building.

The closer I got, the sicker the smell of blood and body fluids hung in the air. For a moment I had to cover my mouth as the smell of rotten meat and dried blood reached my nose.

Jesus Christ, what did that thing do here?

All right, calm down and act like a goddamn professional.

I inched closer to the doorway, carefully hiding myself from inside. A quick check of the scanner told me the fucker was right ahead of me.

No time to fuck around, I told myself as I threw one of the flash grenades inside. Blazing white light exploded from the doorway and a second later I burst inside, ready to pump the fucker full of holes.

Yet, there was nothing inside, nothing but the remains of people.

One body was slumped against the wall, right next to the entrance. All others had been torn to pieces, the flesh shredded, leaving almost nothing but bones. It was impossible to say how many the thing had killed here.

As I stared at the massacre, I felt sick to my stomach. There was more to this room, however. The surrounding walls were covered in obscure symbols and scriptures so strange they made my head hurt.

For a moment I closed my eyes and told myself to focus. I had to find the fucker, and I had to find him quick. As my eyes wandered the room, something didn’t add up. If this thing had been feeding on all those bodies, then why was the one by the entrance… shit!

I turned around just in time to see the body twitch. A fucking trap, I thought, but this time, I’d seen through it.

I shot once, then again and then once more, pumping the thing full of lead and holes. But there wasn’t any reaction. The flesh of the body tore apart, but it didn’t stop moving.

Finally, I saw the true horror I was up against. From the holes of the body, something started bubbling outward. There was the disgusting sound of skin tearing as a mass of liquefied flesh broke from the body.

When I saw it, I almost cringed back. Shit, this was no Humanoid type. This was an entirely different organism, one that was much, much worse.

I don’t know if those fuckers even have a name, that’s how rare they are. What I was up against was nothing but a shapeless mass of flesh.

Alcohol and headquarters wonder drug pumped heavy through my body, and I watched in horror as first a mouth and finally a face formed on the body. A terrifying wet giggle came from the new-formed mouth of the creature.

“Are you here to hunt me?” the thing asked in a distorted, high-pitched voice.

“That’s right, fucker,” I cursed.

I took another shot at the thing, blasting apart the face and mouth it had formed, but it didn’t do a damn thing. Within moments the wound was closed up, and the thing reformed itself.

No, I realized, it didn’t just reform itself, it was transforming. Transfixed, I saw how liquefied flesh became solid, saw muscles and tendons forming, and before I could even react an elongated arm shot forward and got a hold of me.

I screamed in pain as it twisted my arm, causing me to drop the shotgun. At the same time more appendages formed, and I saw a disgusting, twisting mess of hands and fingers reaching for my legs and restraining them. I saw claws, could feel them scratching over my legs.

“How are you going to hunt me now?” a voice from the depths of the flesh puddle asked. I could see mouths forming on its body as it slithered towards me, saw teeth gnawing in anticipation of its next meal.

“Well, how about that?”

The flamer crashed right against it and covered the creature in a blanket of liquefied fire.

This time the fucker was hurt. The creature was screeching and screaming, causing it to recoil, twisting its body around itself to drench the flames.

Guess there was only one way to get rid of the fucker, to burn it to the last fucking bit, and I was right in the mood to do it.

In front of me, the thing had shed part of its body, sacrificing it to the flames while the rest slithered towards the exit.

I was about to hurl another flamer when the withdrawals of headquarters wonder drugs kicked in. Fuck, why now?!

My body started shaking and trembling, the flamer dropped from my hand and a moment later I crashed to the ground.

Shit, you stupid idiot.

My vision grew blurry, my head started spinning, and I threw up right then and there. Once I’d pushed myself back to my feet and had steadied myself, the thing was already gone. I stumbled forward, a shivering, shaking mess. For a moment I had to push myself against the wall in front of me, barely able to catch my breath, and had to wait for my heartbeat to calm down.

As I stormed from the room to follow the creature, I remembered the symbols in the room. I took out my phone and hit up headquarters.

“Headquarters,” I started, trying to keep my voice as steady as possible. “I’m in pursuit of the creature, however, there’re all sorts of strange symbols and shit at my current location. Might be nothing, but I’ve got a bad feeling about it.”

With that, I hurried on. I still felt like shit and for a moment I considered dumping another pill, but the withdrawals would be even worse. No, I had to finish this in the state I was in now, if I even could.

I hit the close-range scanner again, trying to pinpoint the creature’s location, and saw that it was on the move.

At this moment, I remembered why these fuckers were so dangerous. It was the reason there was almost nothing left of the corpses in the room. They could grow by absorbing organic matter.

I knew what that thing was trying to do. Find a place with people, slaughter them and absorb them, regenerate, grow and increase in size and power.

Fucking hell, I told myself not to fuck up, and now… shit!

As I hit the scanner again, I cursed once more. The thing had already left the urban development area behind. It was already searching, no, hunting.

Half a minute later, I’d made it to the edge as well and in front of me, on the other side of the street, I saw a recipe for trouble right away.

It was a small, sleazy looking corner bar. Just the place where you’d find people drinking on a Sunday afternoon and early evening.

I rushed forward, praying I was wrong, but I could already hear the screams.

You idiot, why’d you have to take those damned pills? No, why’d I have to get freaking wasted? All right, shut the hell up and take care of it!

The moment I stormed inside, the place was already a bloodbath. People had been torn apart, blood was everywhere. And right in the center was a heap of liquefied flesh, busily gnawing at and consuming its newest victims.

The place was filled with a disgusting, sizzling sound of flesh melting away, as it became part of the creature’s body.

I tore out a flamer, but right at that moment the thing got a hold of a person, one that was still alive.

“What are you going to do now, hunter? Are you going to kill this one here as well?”

The woman it was entangling was in utter hysterics. She was screaming and crying, trying desperately to get free. When her eyes met mine, I was reminded of Julies. Without consciously knowing what I was doing, I lowered the hand holding the flamer.

High-pitched laughter burst from its body, and a moment later a plethora of clawed appendages shot forward. I ducked aside, threw myself into a corner booth, but the attack still grazed the side of my body. I screamed up and knew it had torn right through the protective armor.

“You fucking,” I brought out as lay there, pressing my hand against the wet wound on my side. There was blood, a lot of fucking blood. Shit, this was getting ugly. I could already hear the damned thing slithering around, getting closer.

I inched to the edge of the booth, but what I saw made me freeze. The woman it was holding had been twisted, and I saw the bubbly flesh of the creature already pushing into her body. She’d become just another meal.

At that moment, I didn’t care anymore. I threw the flamer, but this time not directly at the thing, but at the area behind it. The flames spread within moments, turning the back of the bar into an inferno.

It giggled, pulled in its body, preparing for another attack. I could see its body twisting itself, could see flesh hardening and muscles forming.

“You missed, hunter,” it giggled in anticipation.

“Think again, you piece of shit!” I threw two more flamers, not at the creature, but at the walls to the left and right.

I saw its attack coming, and this time I was faster and threw myself outside.

By now the creature seemed to realize what was going on. His giggles went quiet, turning into an angry, deep set grumbling.

I heard it behind me, heard a wave of liquefied flesh pushing towards the front of the bar, but before it could do anything another flamer hit it.

A grin distorted my face, and I laughed as I heard the thing screeching. I stumbled back further, and then I threw the last of my flamers against the bar’s front size.

By now, the entire building had become a bona fide furnace. There was no way the thing would get away, not this time.

From inside I heard it screech, scream, trashing around, and then finally I heard nothing but sizzling flames.

I stood there and watched the inferno in front of me before I realized where I was.

Within moments I retreated to the urban development area, hiding myself between the half-finished buildings, but I was damn sure people must’ve noticed me.

This time I had gloriously fucked up. Sure, I was in trouble with headquarters, but that didn’t matter. It didn’t matter one bit. What mattered was that my fuck up had cost people’s life.

For a while I just sat there, listening as police sirens reached my ears and I cauterized my wounds.

Then, after I’d calmed down and taken care of the worst damage, I hit up headquarters and told them how badly I’d fucked up.

As expected, they already knew about it. In total, this C-class had killed seven people, not including its original victims.

Seven people, seven fucking people, just because I…

“Return home, exterminator 7D11087, there won’t be anyone stopping you. The authorities have been informed about the nature of the incident and the witnesses have been put into custody. We assure you there will be repercussions for today’s actions, but we’re also aware of the heightened activity in your area. We acknowledge we might have miscalculated your abilities. Today’s incident has proven that you’re in need of assistance. We’re going to send someone who’ll analyze the situation at hand and assist you.”

As I went on my way home, I was still shell shocked by today’s incident.

Even worse was the idea of headquarters sending another exterminator here. I fucking hated people. I hated working with others, always had and now… goddammit!

Fuck monsters and fuck working with others!