Entry #1 – May 2, 2018
Doctor Schulz told me journaling helps sort out my thoughts. I should’ve done so much sooner. This place feels odd. It always has, but recently, things have gotten worse. I think people are watching me.
Doctor Schulz helped me find this place after my troubles back in the day, but things just don’t feel right. The apartment complex is too big, rows and rows of identical buildings, only divided by small parks.
When I first moved in, I told Doctor Schulz all about it, but he said it was all in my head, and I just needed time to get used to it. He even got me to put up blinds. It helped in the beginning, but I’m not so sure anymore. I feel like something’s out there, waiting for me, almost as if I’m hiding from something. God, this feels all so damned weird.
Occasionally, I can’t help but glance outside myself. I know I shouldn’t. He told me as much, but I still do it. Sometimes I see people arguing, hanging out on their balcony, or having a party at their place. That type of thing.
A few days ago, I saw him. There was a man in the building across from me, staring at me. I thought it was just a coincidence, but whenever I looked again, he was back. Every single time I checked, he’s there, unmoving, staring directly at me.
Today it was different. It isn’t just him anymore. There are more. A lady here, a teenager there, a couple a few floors up, all watching me.
The reason I decided to write this down is that they don’t stop. They don’t just take a glance and go back to their business. No, they keep staring, even if I directly stare back at them. They keep it up until I close the blinds again.
This is just too goddamn weird.
Entry #2 – May 6, 2018
Okay, I tried to do what Doctor Schulz told me. Tell myself it’s not real, and that it’s all in my head.
But no. Every single time I look outside, all those people stop. They stop right in their tracks and start watching me. There’s no hesitation. It’s like they know when I’m going to open the blinds. Doesn’t matter if it’s morning or evening. The second I look outside, their eyes are glued to me.
How the hell could this just be in my head? No, it’s real.
Entry #3 – May 8, 2018
Today, I caught myself looking out for longer and longer. I keep trying to convince myself it’s all in my head. One day, I’ll open the blinds, and everything’s back to normal.
The problem is, every single day, I’m confronted by the same thing. Even worse, day by day, it’s more faces who join, more eyes. First, it was only a handful of people, but now it’s dozens. Everywhere I look, I see the same thing: faces turned towards me, eyes staring at me.
What the hell do they want from me?
Entry #4 – May 10, 2018
Got a hold of my binoculars today. I shouldn’t have, not again. Doctor Schulz told me as much, I but I have to know. I need to know what they are up to.
Why are they always there? How the hell do they know? What if they aren’t just watching, but waiting?
Entry #5 – May 11, 2018
What if they’ve been talking and planned it all out together?
Maybe they know I hate being watched, and that’s why they are targeting me?
Entry #6 – May 15, 2018
Enough is enough. I’m done with this shit. I’ve spent the past weeks thinking about this, and staring at people. Staring at people who just stare back. It’s not just weird anymore. It’s getting stupid. Really freaking stupid.
If I stop playing their game, I’m sure they’ll give up soon enough.
Entry #7 – May 19, 11:22AM
I ignored them for days. Hell, yesterday I went out with some friends and had fun for the first time in ages.
This morning, I fucked it all up. Royally. I wasn’t thinking and just wanted to get some fresh air. The moment I opened the blinds, they were all there, watching me. Scared the living hell out of me! Closed the blinds instantly.
A few minutes later, I had another look, trying my best not to move the blinds, but they were still there. Even now, an hour later, they still are.
I thought things would go back to normal, and they’d give, but it’s like they’ve all been waiting for me, waiting for me to look again.
Entry #8 – May 19, 2018 – 2:33PM
This has got to be some sort of set-up or a social experiment! There’s no other way. It’s some kind of stupid joke, and they do it just to mess with me.
Maybe they’ve got hidden cameras to record my reaction. Maybe they are watching me right now, as I sit here, typing this.
Entry #9 – May 19, 2018 – 7:14PM
Checked the place, the balcony, but no cameras, nothing. At least as far as I can tell.
But then why are they doing this? Do they want a reaction from me? Do they want me to watch them? Is it to provoke me?
Well then, assholes, I am provoked! If you want me to watch, I give you a fucking show! I’m going out there right now with my binoculars, and I stare right back at you. Let’s see how you like it! Do you like being watched? Having binoculars pointed at you? Well, I hope you fucking do!
Entry #10 – May 19, 2018 – 10:52PM
Well, that plan did absolutely fucking nothing. Everything’s entirely the same. They kept it up for hours. None of them moved. I don’t know how they do it, but they stood perfectly still. For hours! It’s ridiculous!
I can still see them. They are still on their balconies, at their windows, staring at me.
Entry #11 – May 20, 2018 – 1:17AM
They are still at it. I check every couple of minutes for something to change, for them to be gone, but nothing happens. They aren’t moving. I can still see their silhouettes! Why the fuck are they doing this?
Oh god, I’m starting to freak out. Calm down, breathe, calm down. Just go to bed and be done with it.
Entry #12 – May 20, 2018 – 7:47AM
I almost couldn’t sleep last night. Lay in bed for hours. Even under the blanket, I felt watched. It’s so stupid, but I could still feel their eyes on me. I imagined them out there, looking over at my window all night. I know it’s stupid, and I know it’s not true. The moment I closed my eyes, they all stopped and went back inside. Shaking hands and congratulating each other for how well they played me.
This is getting to me. I had the dream again, the same fucking dream for the first time in months. I was back at that damned square. All those people staring me down, closing in on me even though they weren’t moving.
I woke up drenched in cold sweat, feeling suffocated.
The first thing I did was to get right back to the window. Wouldn’t you know it? They are all back, already staring at me. Of course they are! How would it be any different? I’m not even surprised anymore!
Entry #13 – May 20, 2018 – 11:26AM
Talked to my neighbor.
Had to ring multiple times before that damned old geezer opened the door. Heard no footsteps, so he must’ve been standing there the entire time. Right behind the door, watching me through the spyglass.
When I didn’t leave and kept ringing, he eventually opened the door. Asked him if he noticed anything strange going on in the area, or the building across. He just stared at me and shook his head before he threw the door right in my face. Didn’t hear a damned thing after that. No footsteps, no nothing. I knew he was still there, watching and waiting for me to leave.
Back inside, I couldn’t help but curse about him. The hell was wrong with him? Then I thought about it. What if that’s all he’s doing? Watching every time I go outside?
So he’s part of it, too. He’s their lookout. It makes so much sense. That’s how they know if I’m home or not. Maybe he even listens in on me, to figure out if I’m awake or not. All to give them information so they can keep up their ridiculous little game.
Entry #14 – May 20, 2018 – 2:54PM
Been fuming ever since I typed out the last message. Knowing my neighbors in on it, I wonder just how many people are involved. Is it the entire building? The entire neighborhood?
Fuck, I need to talk to someone, to show them what the hell’s going on here. I picked up my phone, pressed the record button, and rushed onto my balcony. No way I’d give them any time to hide what they are doing! Problem was, I didn’t see a damned thing. No, I have to go outside.
But once I get proof, I can show people! I can even show Doctor Schulz. Or I just upload it on YouTube and show the entire world how they are fucking with me!
Entry #15 – May 20, 2018 – 6:37PM
Not good. Not a good idea at all.
I stormed outside, all right? The moment I did, I could feel the eyes of the parents on the playground on me. Heard them whispering to one another. At first I ignored them, but then I saw their faces. Grimacing and pointing at me. Recorded them without a second thought. They yelled at me, sure, but I didn’t give a shit. No, I knew they were involved. They all are.
Made my way to the building across, and screamed at a man who’d been staring at me all day. Guess what? He pretended to be confused, scared, to do nothing at all. Went to the next one, and then the next, but they all pretended to be doing nothing, and having no clue what I was talking about.
Then this fat guy in a muscle shirt approached me. Told me I couldn’t just go filming people, especially the kids. I didn’t care. I kept recording him, too. Big mistake. He took my phone, told me to get the fuck out of here, and threatened to call the cops. I wanted to argue, but more and more people approached us, staring, whispering to one another.
‘That’s him, right?’
‘Isn’t that the guy?’
I panicked, fucking freaked out, tore the phone from his hands and ran back. I knew they all saw, they all watched.
Once I made it back, I slammed the door. Could do nothing but slump down. Fuck them, fuck them all!
Entry #16 – 20 May, 2018 – 7:12PM
Fuck! When I tried to watch the recording, I couldn’t find it. I scrolled through my entire gallery for minutes, but nothing. That guy who’d taken my phone must’ve deleted it. Of course he had. They knew what I was planning all along!
For a moment, I laughed before I grew angry. I had no freaking proof. None at all!
Entry #17 – 24 May, 2018 – 6:06AM
For three days, I blocked it all out. I got up, went to work, and spent the evening in front of the TV. Thought it was enough to block out the voices in my head, but they were still there, and each day they got louder. Sometimes I stood in front of the blinds, knowing it, feeling it, but I didn’t look. For three whole days.
Today, I just couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t get rid of that strange feeling. I wanted to know, I had to. When I finally looked, they were all back, all staring at me, not moving a muscle.
It’s six in the freaking morning! Why aren’t they asleep? Shouldn’t they get ready to go to work? Don’t they have anything better to do than to fucking watch me!?
Entry #18 – 24 May, 2018 – 5:13PM
No change. They are still there. Hell, I don’t think they even moved.
At this point, I don’t fucking care anymore. They must’ve kept this up for three days, without me looking at them even once. I screamed at them to fucking move, to breathe, to something, anything! They didn’t.
I got the binoculars and decided to check each and every one of them. There had to be something, some sort of detail that showed me their trick. That’s when I noticed something had actually changed. They weren’t just staring at me like before. They looked angry, and as if frozen in motion.
The dream came back to me instantly. Are they closing in on me? Coming for me? I wanted to look more, but I couldn’t. This is too damned freaky!
Told myself to let it go, to not look anymore. This is driving me freaking nuts! They are driving me freaking nuts! Is that what they are trying to do? To drive me insane?
Well, good luck, I’m done! I’m not playing your freaking game anymore!
Entry #19 – 29 May, 2018
I’m doing well. I let it go. Didn’t touch the blinds, didn’t go to the window, and haven’t been out on the balcony. No, I’m going to wait till this is all over. There’s no way they can keep it up forever.
I’ve been going out a lot. To the city center, Starbucks, that type of thing. God, it helps so much. The loud, bustling city drowns everything out. It’s so much better than to just sit here, being watched all day.
But the moment I get back, there’s nothing but silence. Every time I’m here, the voices are back. Telling me something’s wrong, something’s going on, and that dozens, no, hundreds of people are waiting for me to show myself.
Fuck you! I won’t!
Entry #20 – June 2, 2018 – 2:11PM
I’m alone. All alone. There’s no help. There’s no one. The police aren’t doing anything. Nothing!
Fuck, what’s this all about? Why’s no one doing a goddamn thing? How’s no one noticing what’s going on?
Entry #21 – June 2, 2018 – 4:07PM
I had to calm down. I was too out of it by what just happened.
The day started normally. I played some games and minded my own business. I only realized it in the afternoon. It’s Saturday, it’s summer. Why’s it so quiet? Normally, I’d hear kids yelling and playing outside. I told myself to not fall for it. I’d been doing well, so damned well. The more I said, the less it worked.
Of course I looked. Of course I did. But from the window I couldn’t see the playground. From the balcony I could. The moment I stepped outside, I saw it. Everyone on the goddamn playground was frozen, staring at me. Parents, kids, everyone!
I’d ignored it for almost a week, but here we are. They’d got me again. That’s what they’d wanted. For me to look, to see, to notice they were still watching me! I’d had it. I called the cops then and there and told them what was going on here.
Well, wouldn’t you know it? The moment I led them outside, everything’s back to normal! Kids are playing, adults are chatting. Oh, how surprised they all acted when they saw me with the cops. I couldn’t help but grin, thinking I’d got them. The officer went forward to confront them, but came back soon after.
Turns out, I was fucking wrong. Big surprise. They asked me where my apartment was, and when I pointed at it, they asked why the blinds were closed. Told them it was for protection, so people couldn’t watch me. I saw the way they looked at me, how everyone looked at me!
Then they fucking asked me if I was spying on people. Me! Well, what do you fucking expect? I have to check if they are still watching me! That’s what they fucking want me to do! Well, they didn’t like that one bit. They asked me about the time I’d been filming people. Bitch must’ve told them. She lied about me being a freak, about me being the one who was acting weird. I tried to explain that I was trying to prove what was going on, to get evidence, but they cut me right off.
They held me a freaking lecture about the disturbance of peace and quiet. It was a serious crime, they said. Oh yeah? Is it? Then what are they doing? Then they even had the nerve to tell me to go to a fucking psychiatrist! Yeah, sure, I go right back to Doctor Schulz and tell him the cops sent me! I don’t have those problems anymore! He fucking said so himself! It’s not me who’s wrong! It’s them!
They went on rambling, arms crossed, looking all smug, smirking. I didn’t listen anymore, I didn’t care. I watched the people on the playground. They were already whispering to one another, telling each other to get back into position.
Once they left, and I was back inside, I knew what would happen. I knew exactly what they’d do. I didn’t even have to look. They knew I’d fucked up, and they’d got me again.
That’s where I’m at now. For the past hour, I was so mad, I couldn’t even type this out. Even the police wouldn’t help me. They just ignored me!
No, hold on. What if they didn’t ignore me? They’d been laughing, hadn’t they? They’d fucking ridiculed me and told me I was crazy. What if they are in on it, too? They have to be. Of course they are. That’s why they didn’t listen to a damned thing I said. Even the police, they even got the police involved.
Or did they?
What if those weren’t real policemen? Maybe it’s just to guys living in that damned building? If they were tapping my calls, they knew what I was going to do. So two of them put on a uniform, pretend to be the cops, and play out their part of this fucked up little game. I just went back to the window and looked outside. They are all back in position, but now they aren’t just staring, they are grinning.
They know. I’m back, watching again, just like they wanted.
Entry #22 – June 2, 2018 10:21PM
I thought about the dream again. I once read that dreams can be premonitions, but I thought it was bullshit. Until now.
The people, all those people watching me, they are getting closer. It’s subtle, barely visible. They don’t want me to notice, but I did. I did, all right? A step here, a lean there.
But now that I know, I can’t unsee it. They are all inching closer. Leaning over balcony railings, getting out of their apartments, standing at the doors. Even those outside, those at the playground. I couldn’t see them from the window before, but now I can!
But when I look, none of them are moving. I don’t get it. I don’t get any of this!
Entry #23 – June 4, 2018 – 1:42AM
Tried to sleep, but I can’t. Got up again, and they are all still there. I can’t see them clearly, but the playground’s still full of people. They know I’m not asleep, they fucking know! This is insane. It’s two in the freaking morning! But there they are, with their kids! I wanted to scream, to tell them to go to hell, but they’d like that, wouldn’t they?
Instead, I tried to record them again, but the phone isn’t fucking working! When I press record, all I get is a black screen, like they aren’t even there! It’s because of that guy. When he deleted that recording, he messed with it.
Entry #24 – June 4, 2018: 6:41AM
ohgod ohgod ohgod no no no I can’t can’t can’t no please please no I can’t
Entry #25 – June 4, 2018 – 8:34AM
Okay, I’m calm now. I’m calm. The balcony door is closed. No one can get in. No one can hurt you.
I tried something, I fucking did, but spoiler alert: it didn’t fucking work, and my phone’s gone!
All right, calm down, idiot. Just type it all out.
I eventually got some sleep, woke up, and had a look again. They were still there. It wasn’t even seven, barely six in the morning, and the playground was already full of people. I went on the balcony right away, phone in hand, to try again. If I couldn’t record them, I could at least take a picture, right?
I leaned forward to get a better view and started snapping pictures. But then, I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. Everyone on the whole left side of the apartment building was leaning forward, over their balcony railings, staring at me with angry wide eyes, as if they’d come for me at any second! I screamed, stumbled back and sent the freaking phone flying!
After an hour, I decided to get it, but it was fucking gone. It must’ve fallen off the balcony! I told myself there was no way this was real, but when I peeked out again, I saw them. All those people leaning forward and watching me. This is so ridiculously stupid, but here we are. What the fuck’s even going on? Did I slip into freaking bizarro world?
I don’t even know anymore.
Entry #26 – June 4, 2018 – 1:22PM
Forgot about work.
What does it even matter at this point?
Entry #27 – June 4, 2018 – 5:44PM
I’m freaking trapped. I should’ve left, I should’ve left this goddamn place when I still had a chance.
After this morning, I told myself to get out of here. Something very, very wrong was going on here. When I opened the front door, the entire hallway was packed. Dozens of people, neighbors, silent, frozen, staring. I wanted to run, to barge right past them, but I couldn’t. I managed a single step before I saw their grins, their open hands, the way they were leaning forward. They were preying on me, waiting and preying on me! No, they were waiting for me to move. The moment I ran, the moment I’d reach them, they’d get me. That’s when they’d move!
I slammed the door, locked it, and ran back to the living room. I thought they’d come for me, that they’d break down the door, but they did nothing. Absolutely nothing! Why aren’t they doing anything? Why the hell are they just waiting and watching?
I finally got in contact with Doctor Schulz. Couldn’t call him, so I sent an email. Told him what was going on, that I was scared and needed help.
Now, I’m just sitting here, waiting.
Entry #28 – June 4, 2018 – 8:25PM
Nothing from Doctor Schulz.
I peeked through the blinds. No change. Still outside. All getting closer. Hundreds, maybe thousands, filling the entire park. They are coming for me. Whenever I look away, they inch in closer. I can’t stop. Even when I’m typing, I can’t stop watching.
I can’t let them get closer.
Entry #29 – June 5, 2018 – 4:46AM
I didn’t sleep. Not yet. But I finally realized what’s going on here. I finally understood it! It’s so goddamn simple, it makes me laugh! They are watching me to see if I’m watching them! That’s what’s been going on here! They only move when I’m not watching!
How didn’t I get it sooner? It’s so damned obvious!
Entry #30 – June 5, 2018 – 8:12AM
Things don’t make sense anymore. Nothing does at all, at all, at fucking all!
I must’ve passed out right there, in front of the blinds. I jerked awake, because I wasn’t watching. What I saw should be impossible. There are heads everywhere. Dozens, hundreds, peeking over the side of the balcony, stacked on top of one another, watching me type away.
But there’s more. And it’s the most goddamn stupid thing I’ve ever seen. They are staring down at me from the top, from the top of my freaking balcony. I’m laughing so hard because it makes absolutely no sense! It should be impossible! They’d crash down right away, but here they fucking are! Are they using ropes as part of some weird stunt? Hundreds of people, dangling down like something out of Mission Impossible? For hours? All to watch me?
But if it’s so fucking stupid, why I am so goddamn scared!?
Entry #31 – June 5, 2018 – 1:01PM
It’s not real. It can’t be.
Is it all in my head then? What if none of it is real to begin with? Maybe there’s no one outside? Maybe I’m losing it, or I lost it a long time ago?
It. Is. All. In. My. Head.
If I just go outside, it’s over, right? They’d all be gone. All I’d see would be normal people. Should I do it?
But what if it’s real after all? What if they aren’t human? Maybe I’m the only real person in the building, and that’s why they are all focusing on me? Oh god, it actually makes sense! They are all fakes, and I’m the only real one left! That’s why everything felt so wrong! Me, I’m the only real one. Just me!
I don’t know anymore. I don’t fucking know anymore.
Entry #32 – June 5, 2018 – 11:04PM
I’ve barricaded everything. Windows are covered. Balcony door is blocked. Front door and entry area are sealed. Got enough food for a week. No one can come in. I checked twice. No, three times.
Will it be enough? There’s so goddamn many of them. Every time I doze off, every time I close my eyes, they are closer! But I never see them move. Never!
They are already climbing onto the balcony. Their hands are reaching out for me.
Entry #33 – June 6, 2018 – 9:22AM
Slept again. Told myself to stay up, but I fucking fell asleep again!
The doorbell woke me, but I didn’t move. It’s them. They’re hoping I slip up and stop watching. I won’t.
You can try to lure me away, but it won’t work. I won’t fall for your tricks! Not me!
Entry #34 – June 6, 2018 – 2:53PM
I’m so goddamn exhausted. All day, been watching all day.
Nodded off twice, and by now the balcony’s overflowing with people. I can see them through the tiny holes in my barricade.
I don’t get it. How are there so many, so many faces? How can they all fit on my tiny balcony? More are joining them, pilling on top of one another, filling every inch! It’s like some invisible force keeps cramming them in, one by one, tighter and tighter.
This is absurd, impossible, but it’s happening right here, right in front of me.
Entry #35 – June 6, 2018 – 4:15PM
Everything’s quiet. They make no sound. Nothing but silence. Except for the doorbell. It keeps ringing. Over and over. Again and again.
No, I’m not falling for it. It’s a trick! Maybe it’s not even real! Another trick to distract me, to get me to stop watching so they can come inside!
Entry #36 – June 6, 2018 – 7:33PM
Doctor Schulz got back to me. Said it’s another one of my episodes, and he’s on the way. But I know better. I had time to think. It’s got to be him. He’s the one outside. Ringing the doorbell. He’s in on it, too. He’s been part of this from the beginning. Even back in the day. It was him who sent me here! It’s always been him!
He told me I’m losing it, but I’m not. Oh no, I’m not. He’s responsible, he sent them after me, those things, putting me through all this, just so he can get me, so they can get me! He’s ringing nonstop now. Ringing. Ringing. Ringing.
I know his plan. He’s trying to get me away. To make me stop watching.
But I won’t. I won’t stop. I’ll keep watching.
Not moving. Never moving again. I can’t.
All I can do is watch, watch so they don’t get me.
